Tuesday, 14 January 2014

Negative Nelly rant.

Hello out there, it's Dolly.

So since my last post I have had 2 full days of college. I know, so far I am blogging everyday, but it has only been 3 days and I am just eager to get this going I guess. So college was...well....alright I guess...I put on a smile, made some jokes, generally I came across to people as my usual self. I wasn't sure how I would act when I got to college but then all I could think was that I didn't want people to know that I am struggling with depression and my anxiety, I guess there's an element of me feeling ashamed of it, as if it is a sign on weakness, which I think to a lt of people it is, so yeah I decided to hide it as much as could. I got on with my work and I'm actually quite ahead. 

With me seeming myself at college, almost to the point that I am nearly convincing myself that I am fine and being ahead in work and enjoying my actual college course...you would think that I would start to feel even slightly better, or even just kind of positive towards things, but I'm really not, as soon as I get off the bus from college my smile disappears, and I kind of go back to keeping quiet and to myself, because I don't have to hide, or impress anyone, I can essentially feel sorry for myself and wallow in my crappy mood.

I know, I sound like the silliest person who feels crap and wants everyone else to as well, but actually its not like that, I am unfortunately  stuck in a battle with my emotions, which is actually all chemicals, and I want everyone around me to be happy, I like to please people and make them laugh and smile, it helps me if people are happy, so in a way I am a really positive person I am just stuck being a negative Nelly right now...

So I hope everyone has a lovely Wednesday.
Tah Tah For Now.

Monday, 13 January 2014

Day One. Rambling...Already.

Hello out there, it's Dolly.

So this is essentially my first day of blogging. So I thought I would talk through just today, how I feel today, what I'm wearing, what I'm going to be doing and things like that. 
So today is first day back at college since we broke up for Christmas, I had a long holiday I know, which was brilliant, we were off from about the 21St until today. To be quite honest I am nervous about going college, I am not looking forward to it at all. Today is the first day in nearly 2 weeks that I have actually put my make-up on, that I have worn something really nice and will be the first time I see my friends this year. Yes, I sound kind of sad and strange that I haven't done any of those things in nearly 2 weeks, but I have a valid reason...for the past 2 weeks, I have been struggling with depression...about a week ago I went to the doctors about it and I am now on anti-depressants, which haven't kicked in yet and won't for another 2 weeks, but yeah...that is my reasoning.

I only really admitted to myself that I have this problem and that I need help about 3 weeks ago, and it has kind of all gone a bit down hill since then but oh well, I knew before this 2 weeks that I have an anxiety disorder, I have done for as long as I can remember and was only diagnosed 2 years ago. So I guess after all that rambling and opening up, I a nervous for college. I have a late start today, I should have started at 11 o'clock for English, but I couldn't do it, I panicked too much, but I am going in for Fashion.

Now enough off my being nervous, I shall now give you an insight into how i will be spending my time today. Well at the moment we are doing architecture, strange I know when I do fashion but it all makes sense, and we are just doing loads of drawings and paintings and sewing and just a bit of everything for experimentation, I a really enjoying it and I know I will get on fine with the work.

In other news, today as I have said, I have gone for actually wearing make-up and something nice, so I thought I would share that with you and try as regularly as I can to do OOTD. So here you go:

I am wearing a black long sleeved crop top whish was from Primark for £1.50, super high waist grey skinny jeans, also from Primark they were £10, white trainers ALSO from Primark for £3.50 and a dirty red scarf ALSO from Primark but I got it for Christmas so I have no idea how much it was. I know I'm wearing all Primark, and I'm wearing a crop top when it isn't exactly warm outside...but I will be wearing a thick cardigan and a coat so it's all good, and I'm not also a typical Essex girl, I actually love the 50's and rockabilly so this is just toned down and casual.

This is how I have done my make-up, I have gone for a clean black cat-eye look, lots of mascara, very subtle lips and kept it quite basic for a casual day.

So that was a long one, so sorry about that but I'm new to this. So I hope you all have great days. 
Tah Tah For Now.

Sunday, 12 January 2014

Hi, I'm Dolly.

Hi, I'm Dolly.
I am 16 years old and will be 17 in 3 days.
I am in college studying Fashion and Textiles.
I have a relatively normal family...well in the way that, I have a Mum, a Dad, a brother and a sister.

Yes, all seems fine, and in a way it is, but going through life for me is proving more and more difficult,
I have a lot of set backs, I have a lot of problems and I'm not perfect in any way, but I power through
it all somehow...so that is why I am doing this. I would like to express my feelings to help myself, I would like to give advice about what I have experienced and know that a lot more people experience. I want to share y life and my opinions, whether it be about how I handled my day and what I did, or if I bought some new clothes or make-up that I like then I will write a blog on it, I like to do a bit of everything and want to help and give advice to as many people as I can.

Thank you if you are going to join me on my adventures

Tah Tah For Now